I am a Catholic and I believe in Christ. But...
Yes, there is a "but" now. Unlike before when I wholeheartedly embrace everything being taught in school about Christianity, now I began to question my own belief, which might shatter my faith if I continue thinking like this.
I do not know how to lay everything in my mind out. This is not a common write up since it will tackle one of the sensitive topics even in ancient times.
If God knows the future, did He not foresee that Eve will eventually bite on the forbidden fruit? Yes there is choice and free will but isn't it that God exhibits supreme foresight, displays unlimited and unrestricted power? And why would you put a forbidden tree in the very heart of your majestic paradise? It seems that the world really started as a test.
You might answer that future is not fixed or that God does not hold the future. Okay, fine! Then why do we say that God knows the (or our) future? And why is He called as the omnipresent, omniscient, and omnipotent God? Ironic.
If homosexuals are not accepted in the Kingdom of God because He only created two genders, does that mean there is another flaw in His grand design? Are they really doomed for loving someone not designed for him/her to like or love? Did God not foresee its possibility? Or is this another test of choice and free will?
Are we born to please God? Did He really see a hint of goodness in all of us? How about those who already chose (consciously or unconsciously) to live another way (commonly termed as being bad), as proven in world history, didn't He foresee that too?
Did God ever gave Lucifer a chance to redeem himself? Did He not promptly kick and ban Lucifer out of heaven? Lucifer was once an angel, did God ever foresee an angel would wish a higher greater power than Him? Was there even an effort to make him good again? Was (or is) Lucifer really that wise (or fool) to question God's authority? Was (or is) Lucifer created that way (or not, because there is free will)? Well, this disobedience and disrespect (especially of an angel) seems a major dreadful event! Really something God should have foreseen in the first place.
Was He really that angry to His first creations (Adam and Eve) that His punishment to them are still felt up to these days? I am referring to death, the grand punishment. Oh yeah, I know, there was (and is) a promise of eternal life beyond our mortal body's death but that was given long after Adam and Eve's banishment from paradise.
Are natural disasters, which claim lives of many, supposed to be part of His creation?
And why do we (Christians) borrow ideas and thoughts from Pagans (story of Lucifer), Jews (concept of angels), Greeks (God, like Zeus, does not have an animal head), Egyptians (sun disks as halos), Mithraism (death and resurrection), Hinduism (Jesus, like Krishna, was presented with gold, frankincense, and myrrh), etc? Don't we have our own images to display and own stories to tell especially that we claim Jesus as the only God?
My questions go on and on...
I know that many would knot their foreheads because of these questions. Others also have answers. But real, solid, proven answers? Plus, others might think of me as ignorant because there might be existing teaching or reference about any of these that I do not read of yet.
Let me tell you that I also have answers to my questions. I can also debate against myself. But I want to know what you think, you might make my faith stronger.
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